How to be a Conscientious Couple without Leaving People Clueless

No one wants to be known as the crazy couple, but it is possible to go too far in the other direction. You want to be nice and laid back, but too many “I don’t knows” and “We don’t cares” can leave your close friends and family, wedding party and even some of your creative-based wedding vendors wringing their hands worrying that you say it doesn’t matter, but in the end it will. It’s wonderful to be flexible and give people a little room to be themselves while being a part of your big day, saddling them with too many decisions can leave them feeling overwhelmed. If you want to be the kick-ass conscientious couple, here’s a few tips that will leave people saying, “Those two are great!”

Have ladies in your bridal party? Skip the gift and pay for a rental frock.

Alice Dress, ML by Monique Lhuillier , $40 for a 4-day rental at Rent the Runway

Alice Dress, ML by Monique Lhuillier, $40 for a 4-day rental at Rent the Runway

Asking anyone to shell out a big chunk of change for something to wear while they watch you wed can be tough, but for the price of a pair of earrings or cute clutch, you can provide your gals with a designer dress from brands like Kate Spade or ML by Monique Lhuillier. The dresses are delivered in a hanging bag with a return shipping label that just has to be dropped off at a UPS shipping box four or eight days (you pick the rental period) later. No, they won’t wear it again, but it won’t take up space in their closet and it cuts down on one of the costs of being in a wedding party. Telling one of your ladyfriends she’s free to wear “whatever” can be a little open ended. If covering the cost isn’t an option, thing about color, fabric, length and neckline, then focus on one or two and offer those as criteria.

For the gents, focus on pieces everyone already owns, then add a vest or a tie.

Tweed Slim Fit Vest  in Gray, $52 from Asos

Tweed Slim Fit Vest in Gray, $52 from Asos

Bucking up for the total cost of a suit or tux rental can easily cost over $200 a piece, but gifting your guys something like a vest in a smart statement fabric like tweed can add some personality to your crew and give them a practical gift that they can use again. Whether he has one or not, every guy runs into one situation or another where he could use a tie, so something classic may come in handy in the future, too.

When someone offers help, let them.

Friends and relatives are going to ask you if you need help. When they do, let them! Seriously. It’s easy to get caught in the trap of believing that they’re just being nice and that anything you ask might be a burden, but honestly, if someone offers you help, it’s because they genuinely want to. Now, here’s the kicker: are you worried about being a pain or are you worried about giving up control? (Personal aside, I was 1/3 the former, 2/3 the latter.) If it’s hard to give up control, find something that isn’t that big of a deal to you. Let your aunt grab your cake cutting set and don’t worry if it has ribbons. If your grandma picks a pair of toasting flutes you secretly think looks straight out of the 80s, just smile and say thank you for taking care of that errand and know it will be great to laugh about later.

Go ahead and make a registry, even if it’s for honeymoon cash.

People are going to want to give you gifts and they’re going to want to know where you’re registered. While most of us don’t need towels and cookware like registries of yore, it’s almost a sign of respect to the generations before ours to understand that the “new way” of requesting money towards a honeymoon or a house down payment is confusing to some. Here’s a hint from someone who’s been there: when using an online honeymoon registry, know that it all gets back to you as a single payment, but try adding different things in different denominations that feel more “gift-like.” While the hotel and airfare slots were completely ignored, people gladly contributed to the purchase of a DSLR camera.

Vendors love flexibility, but a little decisiveness helps.

Maybe you know you want a cake, some flowers, some music some food … but you aren’t really sure what that all looks, sounds and tastes like. Professional vendors are there to guide you along and help you make the best decisions, but ultimately, they need you to pull the trigger. Sure, a cake decorator knows which icings won’t slide during a summer wedding and a florist knows which greens are in season in March, but they don’t know that your cousin is deathly allergic to strawberries and your ex’s favorite flowers were Gerbera daisies unless they’re told. You are always welcome to come to any vendor with a list of likes and dislikes so they can put together the best customized service possible. Keeping it loose and using phrases like, “I trust your judgment,” or “We chose you based on your style so we already know you’re a good fit,” is a great way to let them know you’re flexible without leaving them feeling like they have to read your mind.

So don't worry about giving those around you a little guidance. They'll thank you for it! Need a little guidance of your own? Give us a holler! We'll be happy to set you down the right path!